The devastating news that Linkin Park frontman Chester Bennington has taken his own life is particularly hard-hitting to anyone who has had experiences of depression and feelings of self-loathing.
In the past couple of years the discussion of mental health has become much more open and accepting, as more are coming forward to share their stories. I have shared my own experience on here and on my social network pages, although this tragic death has sparked a memory I had in my own dark times.
A couple of years ago I was at the peak of my anxiety, where I had been made redundant from one job and felt I wasn't good enough for my next venture, I really doubted myself. Although I had, and still have, a very loving and close family, I had no friends - only acquaintances - and was attending therapy sessions I felt were going nowhere. I was stuck in a dark hole I thought I'd never get out of.
One question that had been posed to me by my GP, CBT counsellor and therapist quite often was "have you ever had thoughts of taking your own life?" My immediate response would always be no with a slightly nervous laugh to suggest I'd never imagine doing that to myself.
However, in the mindset I was in at the time and how hopeless I felt, it could have been a possibility had something tipped me over the edge so much. I recall one particular evening I have mentioned in the past when Albion played Manchester City first game of the season on a Monday night. I had never felt so sick and overwhelmed in my life and I just wanted it to stop. Even something as trivial as that can feed anxiety or depression.
It scares me to think I had gotten to a stage where I was so unhappy with everything, all accumulated into a night which should have been fun, and for some reason my anxiety chose the moment I was with people I loved, and with people who loved me, to make me feel my worst.
Ever since that night I can't say I'd had that feeling as badly again but i was still feeling pretty worthless. However, my life has been on the up on the whole with me making some very good friends through many means, getting a full time job I enjoy and having a nice connection with the football club I adore.
Our recently departed captain of said football club, Darren Fletcher, played a part in helping me with my progression unwittingly with his story on his debilitating illness. He talked about how he felt when he was suffering and then recovering from ulcerative colitis and how he has become stronger in his fight against it. At the club's end of season supporters club dinner I talked to him at length about how inspirational he had been to me in my own battle.
The fact that mental illness can hit anyone at any time is extremely terrifying. I never thought it would happen to me. But no one should be afraid to talk to someone if they are suffering. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed that I had even the slightest thought of the worst case scenario eating away at me. But without support I probably wouldn't be where I am now.
IT'S NOT ATTENTION SEEKING. IT'S RAISING AWARENESS.
Thursday, 20 July 2017
Friday, 14 July 2017
The Curious Case of Callum McManaman
As always this will be my own point of view, so not everyone will agree with my thoughts.
When Callum McManaman first came to prominence in 2013 it wasn't for the right reasons, having put in a horrific challenge on Newcastle's Massadio Haidara. He became one of those figures booed at most stadia, but he was lauded by Wigan Athletic fans in the latter stages of what would be their relegation season. He scored the winner against us, ironically, that almost gave them a glimmer of hope for survival and I'll never forget those players, led by McManaman, in their red away kit celebrating in front of the Latics fans at the Smethwick End. It haunts me to this day.
And perhaps the former Evertonian youth's finest hour of his career came during Wigan's unlikely FA Cup Final triumph over Manchester City, where McManaman put in a Man of the Match display. After that, it was a little bit surprising that when Wigan were relegated to the Championship, he remained a Latic for around another 18 months.
When Tony Pulis took charge of Albion in January 2015, he hadn't really gotten his feet under the table before he was thrown into the deep end of the transfer window, where new blood was needed to improve a team struggling after a disappointing tenure under Alan Irvine. McManaman was a player linked throughout the month and Pulis himself said he wanted the tricky winger who had "enormous potential". He believed he could emulate players who he managed at previous clubs, such as "Jermaine Pennant and Matthew Etherington at Stoke" and "Yannick Bolasie and Jason Puncheon at Crystal Palace".
The most important quote from Pulis when McManaman signed for the Baggies was "I think the crowd like individual players who can take players on." To me, that is true. I recall his second game for the club coming at an incredibly foggy Turf Moor, a 12pm televised game on Sky, and he provided the assist for Chris Brunt's header before half time. He was a nuisance throughout on the wing. The two games that followed, Swansea and West Ham at home, McManaman coming on as a substitute in the latter, gave us more brief glimpses at the "enormous potential" talked about by our Head Coach. His chance late on against West Ham that just skimmed the left hand side of the post had the entire ground gasping!
Much of the remainder of the season was hampered by injury, which is has been a downfall in his progression. On his return in a 0-0 stalemate at home to Liverpool, he lit the Hawthorns alight by "taking players on". It may have been a brief spell from the bench once more, but I don't think a player has gotten me as excited running down the wing as Callum McManaman did that day.
A few games later he started THE game of the season at home vs the new Champions, Chelsea. A 3-0 drubbing in our favour, McManaman provided much of the creativity, even crossing the ball into Chris Brunt who slotted Saido Berahino through on goal to be taken out by John Terry for a nailed on penalty.
2015/16 season had begun and following a successful preseason (and if I remember rightly, a goal or two in that time) McManaman started the season off brightly, putting in another Man of the Match display against Chelsea in a game we lost 3-2, but we played very well second half mainly due to his trickery and creativity.
The turning point came against Southampton on 12th September. McManaman went down, apparently softly, under a Matt Targett challenge in the penalty area. Post-match, Tony Pulis tore into him, explaining there is no place for diving in football. Rightly so.
A couple of games around Christmas aside, he has rarely been seen since. Now, it is common knowledge that if a player upsets Pulis then he gets frozen out, but a player of such potential, and a player HE brought in, should arguably be nurtured into improving aspects of his game, such as stamping out diving and managing his erratic behaviour.
I, for one, think it's a real shame that a player like McManaman has been kicked to the curb when, even if he's not a 90 minute player, he has contributed to us winning games and exciting supporters. He may not be the answer, and I feel many fans may have forgotten how well he played for us back when he first joined, but if he shows passion we crave from a footballer and he does a job then why should he be frozen out? Especially when we're in need of bodies so badly!
It looks as though there's no way back for Callum McManaman, but what a shame to waste such "enormous potential".
When Callum McManaman first came to prominence in 2013 it wasn't for the right reasons, having put in a horrific challenge on Newcastle's Massadio Haidara. He became one of those figures booed at most stadia, but he was lauded by Wigan Athletic fans in the latter stages of what would be their relegation season. He scored the winner against us, ironically, that almost gave them a glimmer of hope for survival and I'll never forget those players, led by McManaman, in their red away kit celebrating in front of the Latics fans at the Smethwick End. It haunts me to this day.
And perhaps the former Evertonian youth's finest hour of his career came during Wigan's unlikely FA Cup Final triumph over Manchester City, where McManaman put in a Man of the Match display. After that, it was a little bit surprising that when Wigan were relegated to the Championship, he remained a Latic for around another 18 months.
When Tony Pulis took charge of Albion in January 2015, he hadn't really gotten his feet under the table before he was thrown into the deep end of the transfer window, where new blood was needed to improve a team struggling after a disappointing tenure under Alan Irvine. McManaman was a player linked throughout the month and Pulis himself said he wanted the tricky winger who had "enormous potential". He believed he could emulate players who he managed at previous clubs, such as "Jermaine Pennant and Matthew Etherington at Stoke" and "Yannick Bolasie and Jason Puncheon at Crystal Palace".
The most important quote from Pulis when McManaman signed for the Baggies was "I think the crowd like individual players who can take players on." To me, that is true. I recall his second game for the club coming at an incredibly foggy Turf Moor, a 12pm televised game on Sky, and he provided the assist for Chris Brunt's header before half time. He was a nuisance throughout on the wing. The two games that followed, Swansea and West Ham at home, McManaman coming on as a substitute in the latter, gave us more brief glimpses at the "enormous potential" talked about by our Head Coach. His chance late on against West Ham that just skimmed the left hand side of the post had the entire ground gasping!
Much of the remainder of the season was hampered by injury, which is has been a downfall in his progression. On his return in a 0-0 stalemate at home to Liverpool, he lit the Hawthorns alight by "taking players on". It may have been a brief spell from the bench once more, but I don't think a player has gotten me as excited running down the wing as Callum McManaman did that day.
A few games later he started THE game of the season at home vs the new Champions, Chelsea. A 3-0 drubbing in our favour, McManaman provided much of the creativity, even crossing the ball into Chris Brunt who slotted Saido Berahino through on goal to be taken out by John Terry for a nailed on penalty.
2015/16 season had begun and following a successful preseason (and if I remember rightly, a goal or two in that time) McManaman started the season off brightly, putting in another Man of the Match display against Chelsea in a game we lost 3-2, but we played very well second half mainly due to his trickery and creativity.
The turning point came against Southampton on 12th September. McManaman went down, apparently softly, under a Matt Targett challenge in the penalty area. Post-match, Tony Pulis tore into him, explaining there is no place for diving in football. Rightly so.
A couple of games around Christmas aside, he has rarely been seen since. Now, it is common knowledge that if a player upsets Pulis then he gets frozen out, but a player of such potential, and a player HE brought in, should arguably be nurtured into improving aspects of his game, such as stamping out diving and managing his erratic behaviour.
I, for one, think it's a real shame that a player like McManaman has been kicked to the curb when, even if he's not a 90 minute player, he has contributed to us winning games and exciting supporters. He may not be the answer, and I feel many fans may have forgotten how well he played for us back when he first joined, but if he shows passion we crave from a footballer and he does a job then why should he be frozen out? Especially when we're in need of bodies so badly!
It looks as though there's no way back for Callum McManaman, but what a shame to waste such "enormous potential".
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